More Snowden Leaks!

Edward Snowden, who leaked details of the NSA’s secret spying program to the press, is not done with the leaks! He recently revealed that the United States has tried to hack servers in China. And he’s got reams of more information and seems determined to reveal it all slowly, though for reasons unknown. Tired of waiting to see what he will leak next? Here’s an executive summary of the information Mr. Snowden will be revealing over the course of the next few weeks.

1. The United States’ bicameral legislature gives too much power to states with small populations.

2. CIA intelligence has discovered that the capital of Luxembourg is actually Weiswampach.

3. The Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776, but the Constitution wasn’t ratified until 1787.

4. George Clooney has a surprisingly limited range, despite his many charasmatic performances.

5. Crash actually was the deserving Best Picture winner over Brokeback Mountain.

6. Medical marijuana can still get you ripping high.

7. Sunni and Shia Islam are actually the same thing.

8. Paying extra for first class is totally worth it.

9. The Department of Homeland Security did not significantly reduce intelligence bureaucracy.

10. There’s a lot of money to be made in junk bonds.

11. Phone calls made in public are more likely to be overheard than those made in private.

12. Secret scientific study has revealed that Asian women really are hotter than any other type of women, but only nerds can tell.

13. Justin Bieber’s hair generates approximately $320 million for the United States’ economy.

14. The Oval Office is actually a triangle, and all photos are modified to maintain the lie.

15. Many software beta releases are actually polished products, and the beta label is used as an excuse for bugs.

16. Good fences make good neighbors.

17. San Pablo is a better San Francisco suburb than Pinole.

18. Al Gore did not win Florida in 2000, but he did win Ohio.

19. The Harry Potter books are non-fiction.

20. Mountain peak Manaslu is actually taller than Dhaulagiri I.

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